Janeane+Kanehara

Light Bulb Karmin rings up item by item. It’s a little different from the day before but its still the same thing. Its always the same in Karmin’s eyes. Counting money, stocking shelves, scanning groceries, “Hi sir how are you,” and “do you want this double bagged?” Almost everyday she eats a PB & J sandwhich or chicken and rice soup for lunch. She’s so sick and tired of the same hairdew, uniform, food, and routine that she must deal with everyday in order to make a living. Its killing her. She is dying. She dies a bit each day to make a living. She thinks of the irony of the matter. She concludes that this is the dumbest thing she has ever heard. Karmin looks over at the clock and sees that its 2:00 P.m. “Yes!” she says enthusiasticly realizing its time for her lunch break. She takes off her apron and walks to her car in the scorching hot parking lot. Its so nice outside, it’s the perfect summer day. This depresses Karmin even more, knowing that she must work in her long black uncomfortable pants. She hates wearing pants in the summertime! She remembers when it was shorts and flip flops everday. She gets to her car and thinks about how sad it is that the most exciting part of the day is her lunch break. She gets in her car. She Sits. She thinks. “ I cant go back there” she says. She starts her car and turns on her ipod, her favorite song comes on and it makes her reminisce about who she used to be and all the dreams she had. “Fuck it!” she says out loud to herself. “Im not doing this anymore.” She drives home and walks into her small dull house. She gathers everything she can think of that has some value. Her computer, jewelry, t.v., stereo, CD’S, DVD’S, video games, gaming system, watches, gold vase, silver, etc. She takes it all to the nearest pawn shop and makes $ 535.78. To some this might a disappointment but to her its great! She cashes all the money in her account and savings. She returns home and packs the basics, clothes, toothbrush, food, make up, blah blah blah. She sells the remainder of her clothes and ends up with about $1100 in the end. Karmin drives up to the gas station and fills up her tank. She can feel a rush of adrenaline pumping through her veins. She gets in her car and heads south. Even though she fully realizes that she has pretty much nothing now, no job, and no idea what she’s going to do next, this is the happiest she has felt in a long time. As Karmin is driving down the freeway in the bright and joyful sunshine she wonders why something like this didn’t happen sooner. How could she be so blind, so stupid, so willingly wasteful towards her life. She thinks of how everyday was full of nothing! “ You should wake up every single day with excitement and curiosity; enthusiasm to be alive,” she thinks to herself. “You shouldn’t wake up depressed about the day before it has even begun. She feels revitalized, like shes just been jump started into the world. She thinks about how life was and wonders how she could have felt so trapt. It doesn’t matter. She lets the past go. There is always a way.

__Why? __ I wont put walls around my life while im here, i dont need to define  <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">All i know is that i am  <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0.1in; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">Nirvana is where i stand

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0.1in; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">__<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">Forget it __ <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0.1in; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">The dreams that were dreamn't that never came true <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0.1in; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">The seeds that were planted but never grew  <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0.1in; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">this joy that always comes so rarely  <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; display: block; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0.1in; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 19px; line-height: 150%; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: auto;">is just permanently temporary