Baliee+Berriochoa

His absence leaves me cold I plant my feet to the last string of humanity My nerves resemble its root system, pulled out A man of massive meditation And when he died history changed within me The fact that I had once feared slowly became a reality There is water and the threat of water The air after rain, the sorrow after death And the void that perspires from it They suffer the undead water where the turtles nibble They have to account for the blood on his collar Not a pretty end, its no accident, and he’s gone Fettering of fair freedom Stewed and heated into diseased growth The natural combination of flowers Pale colors passes over them Air that is poison to them Quick fire of their life Mists of innocence Wild violet and pansy should be sown by chance Florist flowers, should be avoided like garlic Intertwined roots make the earth tremble Flesh colors are raw Flush forth from the brightness of the earth’s being Beauty of all foliage is the energy of life Distinct perception of the two natures A perpetual sense of restraint is induced =**PENELOPE**= Its funny how life can change within seconds. I never thought my life would turn out this way but I guess a different path was made for me. On November 13, 2009 my life was flipped upside down. I was at home with my little sister Abby. She was only 16, just barely started to live her life. I recall hearing creaks and cracks from downstairs but it was windy outside so I thought it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. We were in my room working on the homework that we had procrastinated on doing. My father David went out of town frequently because he was a surgeon. I remember that it seemed like my dads phone was connected to his body because I never saw it leave his side. He frequently got pulled from birthdays, dinners, parent teacher conferences because ‘it was an emergency and he didn’t have time for this right now.’ After this phrase Reed our driver would promptly call me with 3 minutes of my dads departure I would get a call and he would say he was waiting out front for me. Sometimes I wondered if Reed was there for me more than my father. Now that im older though I never really put too much thought into it. When I was younger it was a different story. When I first started to really understand what was going on it broke my heart. For years I always thought I had done something wrong when he left. I got so upset about this one time when I was 7 that I screamed at him in Bloomingdalse asking him what I have been doing wrong that made him leave me all these years. His response was simply “sweetie my job requires me to leave without warning, I have to do this job so you and your sister can have nice things,” That was the last time I ever questioned his job. November 13,2009 I wish he chose us instead of his job. We were all alone. I was 20 so it wasn’t that big of a deal to be alone but this night I simply wasn’t good enough. Abby was stuck on his math problem for about 5 minutes and she couldn’t figure it out. She knew there was no point in asking me because I am an art major at NYU. She got so frustrated she slammed her book on the ground and walked downstairs to our kitchen to eat. Half way down the stairs I heard her scream, oil paint and chalk flew in the air. I remember almost slipping on the hardwood floor in the hallway I grabbed the railing and ran as fast as my legs would take me down the stairs. She was on the ground lying in a red puddle. I didn’t realize until I saw the knife what had happened to her. I looked up to find a man with dark jeans, a black sweatshirt, and a face covered in dark brown hair. We locked eyes for a second and that is when he started to run. I jumped on top of him and started to hit him. I could feel under me that he was no small guy, he was like a bear thick and pure muscle. I knew hitting him wouldn’t do anything so I tried to strangle him to cut off his oxygen so he couldn’t breathe. This worked, but I was still so defensive I grabbed a knife from the granite kitchen counter and I stabbed him. After this it was all a blur. I found out later when I was calmer that he was breaking in to steal and my sister startled him. He killed her in his reaction. He definitely was dead, the examiners found 15 separate stab wounds in his chest. I knew for a fact it was self defense so no trials were made but some plans were made for me. At the police station I completely lost it, with adrenaline running through my veins and the knowledge of my sister’s absence I was not stable. They thought the best thing for me was to ‘take some time for myself.’ This led me to Evergreen Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center. The people seemed as if they seen a ghost. Everyone was paranoid and I didn’t feel like I belonged there. I just seemed so normal compared. I understand that I have been through unforgettable events but this isn’t very helpful. All I can think about is Abby, I have gone through every memory we have together. There is no room to grow when you are surrounded by people who are too paranoid to even talk. I spend all of my time in my head. Two months in this place and I ‘still have healing to do,’ in the words of my therapist. All we do is activities and sit in our rooms. You would think after playing normal for months would prove to them I am alright. Instead I am having more group therapy sessions and less time to be alone. My roommate is probably the strangest patient here. She has never spoken to me directly she just kind of talks out loud. I found out she is in here for murder as well. She really loves her knifes. One time she talked about her favorite knife for 3 hours, she included all the things she did with it. Everything she said was very disturbing. This definitely made me feel like the most stable and sane person in this entire world. She killed a total of 12, well that they know of. It doesn’t help that she was an avid hunter and knew the forests very well. There is a beauty in what she says though. She loves killing more than I have ever loves anything in my entire life. She speaks of her stories like they are scriptures, sacred and untouchable. I don’t blame her though, she had a rough childhood. She was a survivor herself. She lived in South America for only a year. She got chosen to study abroad. A guy tried to abduct her one night, she fought her hardest. She was left with hematomas covering her body and one clean slice on her left side. Ever since then she has been the one doing the slicing. After a total of 5 months at Evergreen Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center I am finally released. I did learn a lot that I probably never would have unless I experienced all of this. I am stronger than I think I am and I will live everyday for my sister. My life at home seems pretty much the same, I am going to start school again in a few months. The only part that is terrible is my sister room just sits empty across the hall. No one has been in there. My dad said It wasn’t his place to be in there. Everything reminds me of her. Even my perfume brings tears to my eyes. Abby and I made this rule since she was 11. We would go to the mall every January 1st and pick eachothers perfume that they would wear for the next year. She always picked something florally for me and I always picked something very sweet. I wish more than anything to have her back. The best part about everything is that I have my dad back. He is always home by 7pm for dinner. My therapist told me to express myself and I chose cooking so my dad could experience it with me. DAVID I wish my dear Penelope would come back to me. I regret my entire career. If only I could have saved them both. I have taken time for granted, I thought I would have plenty of years to make memories with them. My sweet little angels were a gift and I slapped God in the face by not being with them more. All those little girls wanted was love and I was blinded by money. Money seems so silly now. November 13, 2010 It has been one year since the accident. I thought I would only lose one daughter that knight but instead I lost them both. Penelope still has not come back to me. I asked the doctor if there was anything to do but he said she is basically stuck in her mind. She hasn’t spoken one word or even made a sound. She just stares blankly at nothing. I found out with some people who experience a tramatic event will shut themselves down and stay in there mind, a copeing mechanism. She is just trying to protect her mind. They say if it lasts over a year she most likely wont come out of it. I asked if she could hear me or think and he explained that she has just stopped physically. Her mind keeps going but it doesn’t transfer to real life. Years are going by in her mind while seconds only pass in real life. She is trapped in her mind with no way to get out.
 * HE'S GONE**
 * WILD GROWTH**